God Ministers To Us in Our Needs

Today was rough, not having a job for seven months got to me, and I began to question God and become discontent with my situation.

God lovingly gave me exactly what I needed throughout the afternoon and early evening.

The first song that came on the radio after I was really down was Before the Morning ~Josh Wilson. There was a part of me that didn't want to hear it because I wasn't sure if the morning would ever come.

The first commercial break had a clip from a message that had been aired on the station that essentially said...

You can ask God why, but he doesn't have to answer you. He never answered Job.

This evening in devotions it was my turn to lead in our Old Testament survey, and the section was on major themes in Joshua. The author made the point that Joshua is not primarily about Joshua, or Israel's military victories. Instead it is about God fulfilling his promise to Abraham to give them the Land of Canaan, and how He worked powerfully to fulfill it.

I Will Rather Boast in My Infirmities...

II Corinthians 12 contains the well known story of Paul's thorn in the flesh. All we know about it was that it was something meant to keep him humble. (Many theorize that we are intentionally left guessing so that we can relate better.) After praying against this thing intensely, God responds by saying, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." (II Corinthians 12:9) What struck me about this passage is the way Paul responds to God. He doesn't resign himself to his fate. He doesn't even just commit to keep serving God joyfully inspite of this.

Paul commits to boasting (v. 9) and taking pleasure (v. 10) in the infirmity itself.

⁹ And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Most of us are willing to accept the idea of being strong when we are weak. We may even believe it in our hearts and experience it. Are we willing to boast in and take pleasure in the things that are making us weak? It is something to think about. I know I don't. I still desperately want them to go away.

God Uses us When we Give Up

Here is one more powerful quote from The Heavenly Man. Brother Yun tells the story of four demon possessed men who were a scourge on a local church. They prayed for them and immediately three of them were cleansed. However, the fourth man mocked them, and they prayed for a long time with no result. In frustration they gave up, and told the Lord they couldn't do anything. It was then that God drove the demon out of that man. Brother Yun concludes that story by saying...

"We learned a lesson that morning. When we arrive at the end of our own strength it is not defeat, but the start of tapping into God's boundless resources. It is when we are weak that we are strong in God."

Forced Rest

So it may seem ironic that I am writing a post about rest during a time when I am getting up early, but this passage from The Heavenly Man (p. 198, 199) struck very close to home. It partially explains why I am where I am.

After being released from jail for the first time, Brother Yun returned to ministering the gospel. Eventually it became very dangerous to evangelize as many were coming to Christ. The Holy Spirit spoke to Brother Yun directly, and through his wife and co-workers, telling him to go into hiding...

Because I'd been operating in my own strength for months, I was physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted. My spiritual eyesight had grown dim and my hearing dull. Pride had sprung up in my heart like a choking weed. Instead of obeying God's voice, I reasoned with human logic and based my decisions on my own wisdom.

My co-workers had warned me not to stay at home, but I didn't heed their advice. I wasn't waiting upon the Lord with a pure heart. This was the root of my failure. I was tired, overworked and backslidden in my heart...

Because of disobedience and disrespect for the Lord, my wife, and my co-workers, I went to prison for a second time. The Lord saw I was exhausted in the ministry, so he graciously allowed me to rest in Him behind bars for a while and learn about inner spiritual life.

If you are a servant of the Lord, let me encourage you to please, please, humbly watch that you don't slip into the same error I did. The Lord God jealously desires us for Himself. He is the lover of our souls. If we ever put anything before our relationship with Jesus--even our work for Jesus--then we will be ensnared. If you are burned out, stop! Rest! Your lamp needs a constant infilling of the Lord's oil or your light will be snuffed out. (Isaiah 30:15, 18)

Two Good Articles

For the Days When you are Bone Tired ~A Holy Experience

Praying for Big Stuff Again ~New Life Blogs

Will to be Faithful

I did it. I actually got up a couple minutes before 6:00. It is the first time in a long time I can remember getting up this early just to read and pray. I'm reading through the daily devotionals in My Utmost for His Highest every morning. Today's meditation was from Joshua 24:15. "...choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve..." I found it very appropriate as this has been a determined choice for me to get up and follow God again.

Below is the first half of the meditation.

"A person's will is embodied in the actions of the whole person. I can not give up my will--I must exercise it, putting it into action. I must will to obey, and I must will to receive God's Spirit. When God gives me a vision of truth, there is never a question of what He will do, but only what I will do. The Lord has been placing in front of each of us some big proposals and plans. The best thing to do is to remember what you did before when you were touched by God. Recall the moment when you were saved, or first recognized Jesus, or realized some truth. It was easy then to yield your allegiance to God. Immediately recall those moments each time the Spirit of God brings some new proposal before you.

'...choose for yourselves this day who you will serve...' Your choice must be a deliberate determination--it is not something into which you will automatically drift."

The Eve of the Journey

Tomorrow I start a month long journey in prayer. The last couple days I've been hesitant about it. Getting up early is not my strong suit to say the least, and while I need more time in prayer, I've been so out of it I almost feel guilty doing it. After two days planning this, I'm finally excited.

Prayer meeting tonight was good. Talks with friends have been encouraging. Reading The Heavenly Man has been inspiring. I know I can do hard things for a long time after the gtalk fast. Most importantly ¹³ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
(Philippians 4:13, New King James Version)

Sometimes you have to do what you know is right, and the feeling and excitement will come in time.

I will be keeping this updated regularly over the coming month. I also plan to read a powerful book on trust, so expect posts from both books as well.

I look forward to what God will teach me over the coming month.

A Month Long Journey

I finally realized this weekend what I need to do. I need to get up every morning for the next month and pray. I need to pray for the three things I want to change the most, but can't change: my job, getting back to school, and something else. In this way I will be acknowledging that I can't do anything about them (I've failed pretty miserably so far) and acknowledging that God is the only one who can do anything about them.

One of my best friends is going to help keep me accountable to get up early, and hopefully it works. I've been asking my friends to pray for me a lot this year, but I haven't ever made it my number one priority myself. I will be keeping a personal journal, and keeping this blog updated as the month goes on. I pray God will give me the perseverance and grace to carry this out.

The journey begins July 8th.